A Love Lost, A Love Found
by Shiny Ryuichi Sakuma
Summary: SLASH! Sirius has it all and his admirers are plenty. Remus is Sirius's boyfriend, the shy and quiet kind. When Remus catches Sirius cheating on him, who can bring the already deppressed werewolf back to happiness? Severus Snape ^_~
1. The longer one holds on to a memory

disclaimers, Chibi Remus: She dun own Hawwy Pottew.  
  
Warnings, Chibi Remus: This has boys wiff other boys. *looks horrified* 'Kemi?  
  
Akemi: *clears throat* Not until your older....heh heh  
  
Chibi Remus: *shrugs* Paiwings aw as follows: Siwius/Wemus. Ewww... Sevewus/Wemus. *looks at Akemi* Why am I wiff so many boys?  
  
Akemi: Because your just so loveable and I needed to make some sort of quarrel.  
  
Chibi Remus: Oh. *doesnt know what Akemi's talking about* Wucius/James? O.o  
  
Akemi: Er...thought it would be cute! ^_____^  
  
Chibi Remus: *cocks head to the side* She's woony.  
  
Audience: *agrees*  
  
As my lovely little muse has said, This is slash/yaoi. Dont like, Fluffy will escort you to the door or bite your head off. Either one works for me.  
  
Begins their fifth year, ends seventh year  
  
summary: Sirius is the guy with it all; looks, money, athelticism. His boyfriend is Remus; shy, quiet, bookworm that tends to not socialize. Remus becomes jealous of the boys/girls that continually flirt with Sirius, leading Remus to follow Sirius one night when he slips out. What he finds causes the young werewolf to sink into despair. Who can save him? ^_~ Severus Snape of course.  
  
A LOVE LOST, A LOVE FOUND  
  
Chapter 1  
  
~Some things aren't always meant to be~  
  
The pale, golden rays of the waning crescent moon shone down into the fifth year Gryffindor dormitories, spreading its limbs to the beckoning of the window. A lone figure sat, propped against the wall, gazing at the grounds below. Had the moon been full, the boy would have been holed up in the Shrieking Shack, screaming loudly and howling madly. The young werewolf sighed barely audible, the thick chestnut brown bangs blowing lazily from the breath. He closed the twin orbs of amber, head resting against the stone behind him.  
  
Nightmares visited Remus Lupin frequently and he woke just barely able to stifle his screams. He didn't want to alert his friends sleeping in the beds around him that he was suffering. What point would that have made? They would ask and hound him until he shouted at them that his lycanthropy was the thorn and his side and he only wanted to be normal. He didn't even want his boyfriend to know that his situation was hurting him beyond repair. At the thought of the tall, raven-haired, blue eyed boy, Remus frowned. He cared for Sirius deeply but he often wondered if Sirius saw him in the same way. They had been best friends before Sirius made it known that he was bisexual and in love with Remus. The bond that came with their friendship lasted into the relationship and it seemed that it could never break, that noone could shatter the ties that binded them. That is, before Sirius became the god of Hogwart's.  
  
Sirius was seen as the handsome, athletic, rich pureblood with enough charm and grace to make even the most serious student dazzle in his wake. The first time Remus had seen that was at lunch, two months back. School had started, like always, on September 1. Remus had known that Sirius had admirers from both gender's but what he didnt know was that those numbers had nearly tripled over the break. Girls were openly fawning over Sirius, the boys would slip off comment innuendos and Remus....had to sit there and take it all. The school knew that Remus and Sirius were together, and had been, since third year. However, Remus wasn't seen as more than the shy, intelligent, quiet bookworm that spent more time in the library studying than socializing. Remus would admit that he didn't overly care for social situations that he was terrified that someone would discover his secret.  
  
Days turned into weeks and the gifts and letters that Sirius recieved grew substantially. Remus could remember the exact day when the poison barbed arrow of envy lodged into his heart. October 25th. Seventh year Quidditch Chaser, Bradie Flint, made his attraction to Sirius known in the most public way; by kissing him after a Quidditch game. To make things worse, Sirius didn't even show signs of being disgusted nor did he shove Bradie off and tell him that he was already taken. No, Sirius had responded and in front of hundreds. That was the day when Remus started to sink into depression.  
  
Two weeks had flown by since then and little by little Remus was shutting himself off against his friends; even James and Peter. Their concerned expression showed they were worried and even pained by his cold resolve of his emotions. He still cared for Prongs and Wormtail greatly but he knew they would tell Sirius his doubts which would lead to a conflict that he wasn't even ready to have yet. He couldn't accuse Sirius of any wrongdoing without proof and even though he felt it in his heart that Sirius was going behind his back, he had to wait until oppurtunity presented itself. He would ask James or Peter about it but...that would alert them that there was trouble in paradise.  
  
Remus yawned, rising to his feet and silently cursing himself that he forgot to put on some slippers, the cold floor chilled his bare feet. He glanced at Sirius's bed, the other was comfortably snoring, the ebony strands dangerously close to being inhaled. Remus' lips curled into a tiny smile as he moved aside the locks, fingers lingering on the perfect face. His heart clenched tightly in his chest. With great ease, he padded to his own bed and eagerly slid underneath the blankets. He reached for a vial of Dreamless Sleep Potion and gulped it. With a content visage, Remus surrendered to slumber.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Remus was curled in his favorite chair at the library, reading a book on lycanthropy during his lunchtime hour. His stomach had protested angrily at the thought of missing yet another meal but he wasn't too concerned, he would just eat twice as much for dinner. Remus came across a passage and he frowned at the words, heart breaking a little more. Werewolves mated for life. He'd already known that from before but everytime he read about it, it hurt ten fold more. He couldn't even have sex with Sirius because of it. Werewolve's marked their partners during intercourse by biting into the neck and shoulder joint. Even if one didn't want to mark their sexual choice for that night, it was instinct and happened regardless. Remus had considered it before all the mess with Sirius had started but now, he wasn't positive if he wanted to mate with Sirius if his surmises became a reality.  
  
For yet another straight day, Sirius had questioned relentlessly in Divination about his behavior. Remus had to lie about and say that was just tired. Sirius always believed him. Remus sighed, closing the book and returning it to the restricted section. Nothing new was in it. Remus wanted a cure for his lycanthropy but...hope was dim. He had been told that the chances were slim to none but if there was even the remotest chance that it could be done, Remus was determined to find out!  
  
"There you are!" a supple and fluid voice came from behind Remus. If Remus had been any other ~normal~ person, he would have probably squeaked with fright but do to his werewolf senses he knew that the person was already there. Remus turned to come face to face with his boyfriend. Sirius was frowning at him; not a good sign. "You missed breakfast and now your skipping out on lunch in here. Its not good for growing boys to not eat."  
  
"You forget I'm not a boy because I'm not human," Remus replied dryly as he walked past Sirius to another section to find a book for his Potions project; the one class that he was failing miserably in.  
  
Sirius encircled the frail looking boy's waist with his arms, holding him from behind. "All werewolves were humans before they were bitten so yes you are a boy and you are human still. You only become non human under the full moon." He rested his chin on Remus's shoulder. "I'm worried about you Moony. Your going to make yourself sick if you keep missing meals and your attitude isn't doing wonders for your health either."  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "Since when does my attitude affect my health?"  
  
Sirius moved aside the chin length light brown hair to suckle Remus' neck. "Its common knowledge that your state of mind affects your health. If your happy then your body is better off. If your sad, your body becomes worn down."  
  
Smacking Sirius off, Remus went down another aisle. "I think my attitude is just fine and I dont need someone else to tell me. I'm perfectly happy and content. Besides, who wouldnt be if they had you?" the last came out a bit sarcastic but Sirius didn't seem to notice much to Remus' relief. That would have only prompted an arguement.  
  
"Ah, your just the best Remmy!" Sirius chuckled, leaning down to capture the boy's lips in a chaste kiss. With one hand pressed against his boyfriend's chest and the other holding Remus in place, he sought to deepen the kiss by forcing his tongue inside of his boyfriend's mouth.  
  
Remus started to become self-concious as he easily removed Sirius' hands from his body. "You cant do this here."  
  
"Well, we never do it anywhere else," Sirius snapped, sapphire orbs narrowing slightly.  
  
Remus glared at Sirius, amber eyes glinting with anger. It was like this with Sirius. He would press Remus to go the next step with him, to have sex and whatnot but Remus was petrified. He had even explained to Sirius that he couldn't have sex unless he agreed to be his mate for all eternity. Of course, Sirius never said yes or no. He would just walk away uttering something about him making excuses. "I think I've told you before, Sirius. I have to meet with Professor Talkin about tutoring." With a huff of annoyance, Remus left.  
  
He didn't bother looking back at Sirius to know that he was standing there with that dissappointed expression as if he were ready to just scream his frustration to the world. Remus low spiritedly made his way to the Potions classroom. Another reason for Sirius to cheat on him was the fact that he wouldn't have sex with him. It wasn't as if it was his choice. It was either remained celibate or mate with someone who would only break his heart even moreso. He didnt even know if Sirius still loved him.  
  
Professor Talkin peered over her glasses at the short and slender, effiminate fifth year as he entered her classroom. Remus Lupin was horrible at Potions, something his grades were showing considerably. After talking with the headmaster, she had learned of Remus's lycanthropy and was a little more understanding. The smells from the potions were probably driving the werewolf insane. Rena motioned at a front table for Remus to sit at as she awaited the arrival of the other fifth year who would be tutoring Remus.  
  
At that thought, the student came inside. Rena wasn't surprised when Severus gave a scowl in her direction. She hadn't told Severus exactly who he was going to be teaching and it was understandable that he would react that way because Remus was a Gryffindor and one of the Marauder's who made Severus's life a living hell. Severus was a shorter than average boy but he more than made up for his lack of hieght in the area of Potions and Rena knew that Albus would ask Severus to become the Potions teacher after she left. Severus was by no means the most attractive student-that title was saved for Sirius Black-but his cold, onyx eyes and thick yet greasy looking shoulder lengthy ebony hair gave him a mysterious aura.  
  
"Well, glad you two know each other and-" Rena was cut off by a sneer from Severus. "Mr. Snape? I hope this grudge against Mr.Lupin will not become a hazard to your tutoring of him or I will be forced to take to points from Slytherin."  
  
"Whatever. I suppose I can set aside our differences just for tutoring but other than that, I refuse to."  
  
"Mr.Lupin?"  
  
"I never had a problem to begin with-" Severus snorted. "-and I'm more than willing to be friendly towards him because I really need to pass."  
  
"Good! I have to take care of some things for Professor Dumbldore. I trust you can remain civil while I'm not in here?" With a stern glowwer, the teacher exited the classroom, shutting the door behind her.  
  
Severus clenched his jaw muscles tightly, teeth gritting. Damn Talkin. He risked at glance at Remus who seemed to be contemplating some sort of plan in his mind. *Probably to tell all of his stupid friends of a new way to torture me. Fucking Marauders...* Despite Severus's best attempts to turn the shy boy on his right into his enemy was futile because Remus never joined in on the havoc created by the git, the idiot, and the suck up. (or James, Sirius, and Peter) No, Remus kept to himself and stayed mostly in the library doing research. *Too bad he isn't as productive at Potions.* "Okay, what exactly do you need help with?"  
  
A faint blush settled on Remus cheeks, making him look younger and more innocent than usual. "Um, it all."  
  
Severus face faulted. "Damnit, how long do I have to spend on you?! I was hoping this would only last a few days but from the way your talking, months!" Severus was in despair. He had to use that time for his own research. "Make a Shrinking Solution and use it on this quill." The Slytherin set a quill on the table, standing beside Remus as he read the ingredients from his notes.  
  
As Remus cut into the daisy roots, his sliced his finger and tepid blood flowed from the wound. He gave a disgruntled sigh. "I cant even chop the ingredients let alone make the stuff! Maybe I should just tell the professor to flunk me..."  
  
"It only takes time and practice. Dont give up." Severus grabbed the knife from Remus's hands, holding his wand over the cut and healing it. "I'll chop the daisy roots but dont expect me to do this again. You take the rest."  
  
"Tha..thank you Severus. May I call you Severus?"  
  
"It is my given name," he drawled lazily, tossing the neatly sliced daisy roots into the cauldron. "Finish it up."  
  
Remus put the skinned shrivelfig, the rat spleen, the sliced caterpillar, and a dash of leech juice inside to join the roots. It bubbled and smoked and now, he just had to wait. "Is it going right?" he asked, glancing at Severus.  
  
"Its fine. Why are you so horrible at potions?"  
  
"Sensitive nose."  
  
"There are potions for that, you know. I can find you one." Severus kicked himself mentally. He was helping a Gryffindor. *Bad!* his mind shouted at him but, what could it hurt? He wasn't going to become friends with Remus and he was only doing it so he didnt have to watch Remus screw up anymore potions. That was the only reason, Severus decided to himself. He gave a mental, triumphant smile.  
  
"I would like that alot." The potion became a green color, indicating that it was finished. He poured the potion into a vial. "Here goes. Lets see if it works." Remus poured it on the feather which shrunk to a fifth its size. Remus laughed. "I did it!"  
  
"Good work."  
  
"Thanks Severus! This potion hardly works for me," Remus admitted, pouring the contents into the waste bin. (er...sure. ) "With you as my tutor, I think I might be able to pass Potions after all."  
  
Was that a compliment? Both boys wondered as they glanced at each other at the same time. They held the stare for a couple seconds before the door opened and Rena stepped inside. Both looked away flustered. "So you did it Remus? Wonderful job. I know! I think I'll pair you together in class, that way, Remus will get the added benefit."  
  
"Um, I dont think Lucius is going to appreciate being paired with Potter."  
  
"Same here. James.......is going to get mad."  
  
"They'll just have to deal with it, wont they? Though, maybe you should alert them before class tomorrow. I dont want to have to hex one of them into behaving. Well, thats it for todays lesson. I wanted to see if you could both work together so, here's excuses for your next classes to explain why your late. Tomorrow evening after school, I want you both back here. I'll have some new potions for you to try out. Dismissed."  
  
Severus grabbed his books, fully intent on leaving before Remus. Remus placed a hand on his shoulder, halting his movements. "Thank you Severus, really. I dont know what I would do if you weren't my tutor. I dont trust James, Sirius, or Peter to help me because, honestly, their almost as bad as me." Severus just, hned. Remus laughed. "I wasnt expecting a 'your welcome' but I suppose that will have to do."  
  
"Moony, what...the hell are you doing hanging around that slimy git?" James asked, glaring at Severus and frowning at Remus all at the exact same time. Remus dropped his hand, watching at Severus made his exit. "Your lucky that I came instead of Padfoot. He wouldnt have been too happy that you were hanging around Snape."  
  
"Oh, but its okay for Sirius to be around half the schools population and its not alright for me to talk to just one person. Shove off, James." Remus turned on his heel and left.  
  
James sighed, gnawing his lip. Things were going from bad to worse from the couple and James had the uncanny feeling that Severus was going to be caught in the middle. He shrugged to himself, going off to his next class. 


	2. the longer one lives in the past

Title: A love lost, a love found  
  
dislcaimers: dont own  
  
warnings: boy x boy love, bastardation of Sirius Yeah, I love him to death too but I had to have conflict!  
  
Begins their fifth year, ends seventh year  
  
summary: Sirius is the guy with it all; looks, money, athelticism. His boyfriend is Remus; shy, quiet, bookworm that tends to not socialize. Remus becomes jealous of the boys/girls that continually flirt with Sirius, leading Remus to follow Sirius one night when he slips out. What he finds causes the young werewolf to sink into despair. Who can save him? ^_~ Severus Snape of course.  
  
A LOVE LOST, A LOVE FOUND  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Remus stared at his hands folded in his lap. He and Sirius were currently ~not~ talking. The tall raven haired boy was leaning against the headboard of his bed, knees drawn to his chest with his Arithmancy homework beside him. The young werewolf was darting glances at Sirius and trying to focus on his own Divination star charts. Remus hated to argue with his boyfriend, it was exactly Sirius' fault. If Remus was normal, he would have had those same raging hormones and whatnot but Remus was petrified that it would turn into a relationship based solely on sex. If Remus ~knew~ what Sirius felt for him, he might have went ahead with the mating process but he had to be wary. Mating was for life, death, and beyond. It wasn't a one night stand.  
  
James watched his two best friends casting nervous, angry, and fearful gazes at one another. James had always thought of his friends relationship as unbreakable. James could understand though, he would be angry over Sirius' behavior. James had first started to see the waning of the solid couple fail when Sirius let Flint kiss him and he knew Remus was going to be there to top it off. At first, James had thought it as merely a play to get Remus to pay more attention but...~kissing~ Flint? That was too extreme. Especially when it had happened again, repeatedly. James had to admit, Flint was handsome with rough features and a daring personality. Remus was the exact opposite. He was some what feminine in the alluring shape of hips, his slender frame, the almond yet round shaped amber eyes. But Remus was perfection. He was kind, honest, and sincere. Flint was cruel, obtuse, and a untrustworthy. James was surprised Flint hadn't blabbed his secret meetings with Sirius to the entire school.  
  
James sighed to himself, shutting the Double Potions textbook. There was no point worrying. Those two loved each other. For some reason, that reassurance didn't help calm James' mind. He grabbed his Invisibilty Cloak that was draped across a chair. Remus and Sirius raised their heads to stare at their friend. "I'm hungry," he lied, slipping the material over his broad shoulders. Truth be told, he needed his own reassurance. Peter was just entering as he left and nearly collided. James was relieved that Peter would be there to keep the fighting duo from yelling at each other.  
  
The Gryffindor made his way to the Slytherin dormitories, shivering slightly from the chill air. James patted one of his pockets, thankful the Marauder's Map was there. It wouldn't serve him well if he was discovered by his friends to be sneaking to the Slytherin compound. James muttered the password and went inside. The Slytherin Common Room was deserted, a fire was burning to ashes. Unlike the Gryffindor Common Room, the Slytherin one was cold and seemed to not be used. James tiptoed up the stairs to a certain aristocratic's room. He held his breath as he passed Goyle and Crabbe's sleeping figures, past Zambini to finally pause at the side of Lucius Malfoy's bed.  
  
Lucius was sleek and beautiful, no blemishes marred the albaster skin. The silvery blonde hair was splayed against the pillow, that one rebellious lock that drove James crazy was resting against the bridge of the pertinent nose. The pale, pink lips were parted. With a devious smirk, James crawled into bed with Lucius, drawing the curtains to a close and casting a silencing spell. Slate grey eyes snapped open in alarm only to settle to a lethargic twinkle. Lucius raised himself up on an elbow, blonde hair falling delicately to his ribs that shone plainly from the silken pajama top. James raised a hand, fingers twirling in the strands. He let out a contented sigh. James cocked his head to the side in confusion, adopting an adorable pout. "James? Why are you here? Its late," he spoke softly.  
  
"I....I missed you." James blushed, sliding into Lucius' open arms. He wrapped his arms around Lucius' neck, head resting in the hollow space of his collarbones. Lucius chuckled to himself, encircling James into a possessive yet protective hold. "Whats so funny?"  
  
"The Great James Potter got so lonely he had to seek his most hated rival out."  
  
James kissed his boyfriend's throat. "Shut up Lucius and keep holding me like this."  
  
Lucius's fingers trecked across the firm backside of James, chin resting atop the scruffy hair. "This have something to do with Lupin and Black?" he drawled, accepting the nod. "James, what we have would be looked upon with scorn by everyone, including that saintly Dumbledore." James huffed at the remark. "We are supposed to be enemies, supposed to hate each other and we're supposed to be dating girls like Evans and Von de Cour."  
  
"If its so wrong Lucius, than why I am bloody in love with you?"  
  
Lucius sighed, snuggling closer to James and pulling the blankets over them. "I dont know James. One day, we might be able to live in a world without all these rules. Do you promise that we'll be together forever? That we won't ever let anyone come between us even long after we part ways, we'll still think of each other first?"  
  
James nodded happily, drifting in and out of conciousness. "Looks as if I'm not going back. Their going to become worried."  
  
"They'll just have to stay worried,wont they?" Lucius yawned, adjusting his position to better accomdate the other teen. "Make up some elaborate lie, its what your good at."  
  
"Hush Luc. I love you," James whispered, finally surrendering to slumber. Lucius laid there, awake and listening to his boyfriends' breathing deepen. He sneered at himself. How could he have become so weak to have to rely on the love of someone else? It has hard to imagine life without James, no matter how annoying and obnoxious. They had found love and Lucius be damned if he was ever giving James up. His last thought before joining James was that he loved the blue eyed Gryffindor.  
  
* **  
  
Thanks for reviewing!!!!!!!!!!! ^________________^ 


	3. The deeper the memory they hold onto

disclaimers: dont own it.  
  
warnings: VERY bastardized Sirius  
  
~ ~ ~ Chapter 3  
  
It was apparent to the rest of the Marauders that James was not returning. Remus wrapped himself up in a blanket and rose to his feet. Sirius met his eyes momentarily before stubbornly glancing away. Peter was already asleep. The brown haired teen chewed his lip, heart clenching. Forgetting his pride, Remus walked to Sirius' bed. "Why do we keep fighting?" he asked softly, sitting beside Sirius who's jaw kept clenching and unclenching in a struggle with himself. "Padfoot...I love you more than anything but you keep pushing me aside like one of your admirers."  
  
"Your jealous," Sirius commented airily, waving his hand. "You dont like the fact that countless people swoon over me. You can't accept it. Remus, I have been patient with you." Sirius grabbed Remus' slender form by the waist, easily shoving him against the bed. Sirius leaned over him, sneering. "I'm taking what is mine, right now. Noone will touch you again." Remus whimpered as Sirius backhanded him across the cheek. "I only have that right," he hissed, lips pressing forcefully against Remus's. He straddled his hips, digging his arousal against Remus's. Sirius didn't bother with Remus's struggling body, didn't bother with the tears dropping onto his face. "Only mine," Sirius whispered, almost gently as he lifted his lips from Remus's bruised ones. His blue eyes were darkened with lust, glinting ferally.  
  
Remus's mind was in turmoil. He had to escape, had to leave Sirius before he claimed him but as Sirius rocked against him, he was forced to keep in mind that it was rape. It felt so good, he'd never experienced pleasure like this. Remus stared into Sirius's eyes, fear blanketing the bliss. This wasn't about love, this was about dominance. Could Sirius have learned of his tutorship with Severus? "Severus," Remus mumbled, eyes immediately flaring when he realised he's spoken the name aloud.  
  
Sirius ceased moving, whole body tensing. "What did you just say?" Not waiting for an answer, he tore at Remus's pajamas. "You said that greasy gits name! What the fuck are trying to do Remus?! Want to fuck him?! Would that please you?!!" he yelled, slapping Remus hard on the jaw, sending his head to the side. "Dont you-"  
  
Suddenly, Sirius was roughly pulled from the nearly nude Remus. Peter raised his wand, "Stupefy!" Sirius dropped to the floor. Peter rushed to his friend, shaking. "Re.Remus? Are you okay? What happened?" Peter pursed his lips, desperately wishing James was there. "Do you need to go to the hospital wing?"  
  
"No..I'm fine Peter. Thank you." Remus amber eyes filled with tears as he dressed, hands trembling. Peter just stood there, watching Remus leave the room. He aimed a hateful glare at Sirius, cursing him underneath his breath. Peter laid on his bed, unable to return to sleep.  
  
Remus fled from the Gryffindor tower, sobbing. How could Sirius have done that?! How could he have opened his mouth and said Severus' name?! Sirius would never be with him again. Remus was scared. If Sirius did it once, he would do it again. What had been going on inside his mind? Was he truly that desperate to make love..no, have sex with him? Remus sank against a wall, sliding to the floor. He curled into a ball, holding his bruised face. Within seconds, he had cried himself to sleep.  
  
***  
  
Severus Snape, was up earlier than normal. Something told him that he should. As he wondered the intersecting corridors, he soon found his answer. Huddled into himself, was Remus Lupin. A huge bruise covered the right side of his face. Anger flickered through the Slytherin's mind as he ran to Remus. "Fuck," he uttered, lifting the figure into his arms. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..." Severus knew who had done this. It was Sirius. Severus vowed the minute he had Remus safe in the Slytherin tower, he would search for Sirius and make him pay for harming Remus. Severus didn't like the feelings inside of his soul, the stirring of butterflies, the pacing of his heart. Remus' eyes slid open, panicing. "Your okay Remus." Severus stroked the side of Remus's face, gingerly touching the bruise.  
  
Remus sniffled, arms wrapping around Severus' neck. He peered into the fathomless ebony orbs. "Severus?" Remus felt so safe with him, despite the fact that Remus wasn't even close friends with him. There was just something endearing about the shorter teen, the tramautized and haunted look in his eyes brought feelings Remus had only felt for Sirius into play. "Where are we going?" he said sleepily.  
  
"Your coming back with me to the Slytherin Dormitories." Severus hated to prod but he needed to know before he went accusing Sirius of something. "What did he do to you?" As he expected, Remus stiffended in his arms. "Wouldnt have sex with him, would you?" Remus nodded his head, tears falling. "That bastard," Severus seethed. "Remus, I promise I won't let him near you again."  
  
Remus allowed himself a tiny smile that made Severus's knees buckle. "You called me Remus..." Severus scowled, wanting to be serious. "Severus..you can't blame Sirius for this, he didnt mean-"  
  
Severus snarled, hushing Remus. "This is his fault. You didnt ask for him to do that to you. He was going to rape you!" Remus flinched at his tone, reminding him of Sirius. Severus calmed himself before speaking again. "I'm sorry I yelled but its the truth. I dont care if he's a sex-starved hormone driven idiot or not, but he should NEVER have touched you." Severus said the Slytherin password, going inside and placing Remus onto one of the couchs. He covered him with a blanket.  
  
A hand took his. "Please dont leave." Remus bit his lip. "I dont want to be alone..." Severus sighed, sitting down while Remus placed his head onto his lap, nudging his thigh. "Thank you Sev," Remus smiled, yawning and stretching his lithe body. Severus raised a brow at the nickname. Remus immediately apologized. "I'm sorry if that-"  
  
"Its fine. I've just...never been called a nickname before. Its usually Snape. Lucius is the only one who calls me Severus..besides you."  
  
"Sev, this means alot to me. If I can ever repay you, just name it.  
  
'Would you love me?' Severus silent plea came as he watched Remus drift into sleep. He smoothed the brown hair, fingers lingering more than they should have. He glanced at the bruise, anger filling his entire body. Sirius would regret the day he hurt Remus.  
  
* * *  
  
next chapter: Severus confronts Sirius. And I promise to make the next chapters longer. ^^  
  
Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Skep (I've always adored James/Lucius pairings, I just had to throw it in! But expect lots of angst when I change it to James/Lily..... *sobs*) Ladybush (I'm afraid this story will have no Sirius/Remus until much later, after the Shrieking shack incident.) Fire Demon (unlike most people, I'm not a Sirius/Remus shipper. Tee hee, actually I'm a Sirius/James shipper and Sev/Remus.) screwyou (you know, your a very funny person. Next time you think to flame me, please spell check. I dont like reading misspelled words. ^_^) theone (i'm sorry! i cant put Remus/Sirius in yet. How about I make a Sirius/Remus story. O.o) Ice Elf Amaya (finally, someone who doesnt mind its Sev/Remus ^_~ Lol.) Jess (oh yes, loads of Remus/Severus slashiness. hee hee) 


	4. the more beautiful the past will become

disclaimers: not mine  
  
~~~ Chapter 4- Forgive and forget?  
  
James rose bright and early, the first rays of the dawn sun seeping into the room. The body he was lying against wriggled, a disgruntled sigh escaping the pale lips. James smiled, poking Lucius' nose. The blonde peeped an eye open, scowling half heartedly. "You're chipper," Lucius remarked, scooting off the bed and picking up his dressing robe. He glanced at his sleeping companions, relieved they were still snoring. "I'll walk you out."  
  
Hazel orbs twinkled, a hand sliding in the crook of an elbow. James didn't regret his falling for Lucius, even if he knew it was wrong. His knew his parents would never approve; they already had him paired with Lily Evans. Just like Lucius's parents had him betrothed to Narcissa Von de Cour. Lady Luck was certainly not on their side. In fact, she seemed to have vanished but, so long as James was able to freely meet with Lucius, he woud be alright. He didn't have long before he would have to date Lily and James was determined to savor the time remaining.  
  
Lucius abruptly halted, James colliding with his shoulder. He rubbed his nose, glaring but that was forgotten when he followed Lucius's line of sight to rest on a couch. Lucius' jaw was gaping. James squeezed Lucius' arm harder than necessary. Severus Snape and Remus Lupin. Asleep. Together. Lucius regained his voice, "James, did you know about this?"  
  
"No," James whispered back, tip toeing past the slumbering duo towards the portrait. Snape and Moony? James was finding it hard to believe but for some odd reason, it made sense. James knew from Lucius that Severus wasn't the most emotional person, in fact, Lucius said he would have been shocked if Severus even knew what love was. Of course, Severus did grow up with a less than perfect childhood. So, why was Severus currently stroking Remus's hair in his sleep? And what had happened to Remus to make him run off like that? Did Sirius do something?  
  
"You had better go James. I think Severus is going to wake soon." Lucius leaned forward and kissed James chastely on the forehead. He cupped the shorter boy's cheek, grinning tenderly. James's heart fluttered. That smile was specifically reserved for him. Lucius would never show that much compassion and love for another person. It was depressing but James couldn't shove aside the imminent doom in his soul. What would happen they were forced to break apart? Would Lucius lose all that James had sought to waken inside of him? Before James had come along, Lucius was cruel, spiteful, and cold. With time, those descriptions of Lucius were vanquished; well, at least to James. So long as Lucius stayed that way with him, James didn't care if the rest of the world was scorned by his grey eyed boyfriend.  
  
"Are you going to meet me in the gardens at lunch?" James asked, nuzzling the hand.  
  
"Of course I am. Later, love." With one last kiss, Lucius gently shoved James into the hall and closed the painting. He remained stationary, meeting an obsidian gaze. They held the stare for several minutes. An unspoken agreement passed and Lucius marched to his dormitory room in silence.  
  
Severus stilled his rapid breathing. James and Lucius? How long had ~that~ been going on?! Lucius looked happy but...with James?! It was mind boggling! They were supposed to loathe one another. Their fights had been merely shows. Severus glanced at the boy waking. Then again, wasn't he supposed to be abhor Remus? Severus didn't know when he'd first saw Remus as more than one of the Gryffindor brats. Remus had become an attractive student with the most annoying and insensitive prat for a boyfriend.  
  
Severus's thoughts were destroyed when Remus emitted it a tiny yawn, sitting up. He smiled sleepily at Severus. "Morning," he murmured in the hazy state. A scent drifted through the air currents, tickling Remus's nose. His eyes snapped to attention. That....that was James odor! What the hell?! He blinked at Severus who's head was cocked in question. Remus shrugged, stetching his bunched muscles. He would have to have a chat with James later.  
  
"We're going to the Gryffindor Tower, now," Severus stated, voice firm. Remus drew in a hiss, fervently shaking his head. "Do you want him to do it again Lupin?"  
  
"N.no, but he'll get mad if you play the hero and do something stupid," Remus retorted, crossing his arms in front of his chest in a manner of defiance.  
  
"Fine!" Severus snarled, annoyed with Remus's ignorance. "Go back to the bastard without someone to defend you! I'll bet you a hundred galleons that he'll hit first, ask later."  
  
That got Remus's attention. "He wouldn't do that! He loves me," the last came out as mutter. Remus searched Severus's face for some sign of jesting but it was far too serious. He gulped. Would Sirius actually abuse him? No, he wouldn't. Remus was positive. "I thank you for concern, Severus, but I have to deal with this by myself. Good day," Remus stomped to the portrait and left.  
  
Severus cursed. Damn that Lupin! Well, if Remus wanted to suffer the same thing again, it was his own fault. Guilt flooded his system; an emotion he hated to feel worse than love. He gritted his teeth, exiting the Slytherin Common Room. He wouldn't hear the end of it from Lucius. He was acting like a Gryffindor, a vailant, brave fucking Gryffindor.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Remus paused at the painting, sighing and saying the password. The minute his foot stepped inside, he was enveloped by a pair of arms. He could feel something wet splash against his neck and was shocked to discover it was Sirius, crying. "Siri?" he asked hesitantly, remaining prone until he was sure Sirius wouldn't try to kill him.  
  
Sirius sniffled, drawing back some to look at Remus, at the nasty bruise. "Oh Merlin," he touched the wounded flesh, feeling Remus tense. "I am so sorry Moony. I should never have done that to you! I wasn't being myself. Please forgive me, I love you."  
  
"I..I forgive you Sirius." Sirius was being sincere, wasnt he? "Um, where's Jamie and Peter?"  
  
"Breakfast. Do you want to go?"  
  
Remus nodded, hand slipping into Sirius'. The couple went into the corridor, nearly colliding with Severus. Sirius glared at the shorter boy. Severus furrowed his brows, shock and betrayal flickering in his eyes before returning to the previous frigidness. Remus was led past Severus, glancing at him. Had he done the right thing by forgiving Sirius? Remus didn't know but that brief pain in Severus's eyes left him confused.  
  
~ ~  
  
Oh come on! who wasn't expecting that?! Lol.  
  
Thanks for reviewing! =) 


	5. The beautiful memories

disclaimers: not mine  
  
warnings: boy x boy love  
  
A Love Lost, A Love Found  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Lucius stared at Severus, the other boy not registering any thing. Severus didn't touch his food, didn't speak about any plans to prank the Marauders. He wasn't doing anything, just gazing into space. Unfortunately, Severus was a master of disguising his emotions. The blond was in turmoil. What could he do? Severus's voice cleaved his musings. "Would you quit fidgeting?!" he snapped peevishly.  
  
"What crawled up your ass?" Lucius asked, not in the least bit perturbed by Severus's mood. At least the raven haired boy was talking to him now. He recieved an angry scowl. "Okay...so nothing crawled in your ass. Thats whats got you ticked!" Lucius nodded knowingly, crossing his arms in front of his chest, eyes closing. "Lupin didn't give you any."  
  
Lucius wasn't expecting the painful blow of a fist to his arm. He gaped at Severus with uncertainy. Severus was literally bristling with anger, the tip of his wand nudging his palm. "Dont you dare start with that Lucius," he seethed through clenched teeth. "Lupin is nothing to me. He never has been and never will be."  
  
/Sounds more like your convincing yourself Severus./ Lucius placed a calming hand on his friend's, carefully intertwining their fingers. He winced when he felt glaring daggers in his back, no doubt coming from James. Severus went rigid before relaxing almost bonelessly. "Severus, I'm not blind nor am I stupid. This morning, I saw something I never thought I would see. Even in your sleep, you don't let your guard down thats why I was so surprised when I saw you with Lupin. You looked happy Severus. I'm not one to bitch at you about your choice in partners but if he truly makes you happy, I want you to chase him and not let him escape."  
  
Severus sighed. "Thats not as easy as you think Lucius. Remus is with Black."  
  
"Was he the reason Lupin was with you?"  
  
"He tried to rape him and Remus still forgave him. Who am I to get in the way of that? Remus obviously loves Black."  
  
Lucius gnawed his lower lip, blanching when he realised he was picking up James's habits. "There's something I should tell you about Black that might help you win Lupin's affections." Severus raised a dark brow. "Black's been meeting with Flint regularly to have sex."  
  
"What? How do you know?!"  
  
"Flint told me. We happen to have a contest to see who can get the most lovers. What he doesn't know, is that I lie about mine because, I dont think I could cheat on James without feeling some sort of guilt."  
  
"You must really care for him."  
  
Lucius shrugged, flushing slightly. "Don't you dare make fun of me either. However," his tone became melancholic, "In just a short while its going to end. James will have to date Lily and I'll have to date Narcissa."  
  
"So it's going to end no matter what?"  
  
"It was inevitable. I'm a Malfoy, he's a Potter. I'm a Slytherin, he's a Gryffindor. It would have only ended in heartbreak."  
  
"....And you think it would be different for me and Remus?"  
  
"Of course," Lucius leaned close, eyes twinkling. He kissed his friend chastely on the cheek, ruffling the indignant teenager's hair. He laughed, ignorning the stares they were recieving. "I have to see the headmaster about remaining here for Christmas break. Why don't you ask too?" Lucius smiled, slender frame disappearing into the throngs of late-rising students just entering the Great Hall.  
  
Severus took his leave as well, classes would begin in fifteen minutes or so. Besides, he didn't want to hear Remus and Sirius or see Sirius whisper sweet nothings into Remus's ear. Severus berated himself for falling too hard and too fast for Remus. Was it even love or was it lust? If it was the latter, should he keep his distance from Remus? He didn't want to hurt the amber eyed boy.  
  
"Severus!" Remus was yelling, running to catch up with Severus. "Are you going to Professor Talkin's now? I could use some practice. Talkin told me that we could go early so that I could get a jump on today's lesson." When Severus didn't respond, Remus frowned. "Is something the matter Sev?"  
  
"Don't call me that!" Severus growled, startling Remus. "I can't believe you Lupin! That fucking bastard tried to RAPE you and went back to him!" As Remus started to speak, Severus hissed, "And I dont give a DAMN if he apologized and said he loved you! He's lieing to you Lupin. He's BEEN lieing to you since his little stunt with Flint."  
  
"What are you talking about Severus?" Remus asked, pausing at the doors of the Great Hall.  
  
"Flint and Black are lovers."  
  
"Huh?" Remus emmited a little squeak, eyes sliding to look at Sirius. Severus cursed himself for delivering the line so tactlessly. The devotion and adoration on Remus's face vanished, leaving cold ashen fire. "How..how do you know?"  
  
"Lucius told me."  
  
"He was lieing! He has to have been!"  
  
Severus shook his head. "Lucius doesn't lie to me. Remus, haven't you noticed the changes in Black? If this had been a year ago, just the thought of him hitting you would have been inconceivable. He's dangerous."  
  
Remus touched his bruise, eyes glinting with a sharpness Severus had never seen in Remus's otherwise innocent orbs. It was unsettling that one like Remus could feel that much unguarded madness. Remus searched the room for Flint. Without a word to a confused Severus, Remus took off with a feral speed. He launched himself onto Flint, fist slamming against the unprepared boy's jaw. Flint squirmed underneath the weight of the irate boy, panicing. "If you ever touch Sirius again, I will kill you." Remus drew his wand, pressing it underneath Flint's neck. Flint nodded fervently.  
  
"What is going on here?!!" McGonagall asked, hands akimbo on her waist. "Put your wand away now and let Mr.Flint up!!" Remus obliged, gingerly stepping from the other boy, snarling a warning before adopting his mask. "How dare you fight?! Especially you of all people Mr.Lupin! Fifty points from Gryffindor and detention every weekend for this month. I expect-"  
  
"Please, I do believe that is quite enough badgering him, Professor." The fluid and silken voice of Professor Talkin interuppted Minerva's tirade. She smiled charmingly at Minerva. "I'll take Lupin and Snape with me. They are due for some lessons this morning. Come along." Remus ignored Sirius, instead, marching with Severus alongside of Rose. "Can't you children learn to fight when there aren't as many people around?" she chided. "Your lucky you never get in trouble Remus or you would have been in much more trouble. What were you thinking attacking Flint like that? Never mind, I dont want to know." Talkin opened the door to the potions classroom, pointing at the board where the day's potion was. "Go ahead and work on that. It should only take fourty five minutes. With the rest of the time, I want you both to go to the library and research your projects I'm assigning today. Behave," she warned and left.  
  
"I'm impressed Remus," Severus said, gathering the supplies needed for the concoction. "I didn't think you would pick a fight with Flint. You do realise you've made an enemy for life, dont you? Not only that, but you've gone and muddled poor Black's mind."  
  
"You were telling me the truth." Remus wasn't about to tell Severus how he knew; he smelled the truth radiating from Flint. Another added benefit of being a werewolf. "I should've been more aware on the nights that Sirius didn't return until late. I can't believe I was so stupid!"  
  
Severus sighed, hating that he was going to have to play the comforter. "You love him, thats why and part of you was holding onto that love. I wouldn't know whats it like to have such an emotional bond to someone but...I suppose it would hurt very much to learn that the person you devoted your heart to was trysting behind your back."  
  
"...Yes, you're right Severus." Remus began cutting the ginger root. "I do love Sirius and I always will but, to know he's been cheating on me is painful. I'm sorry Severus, for dragging you into this and making you my emotional confidant."  
  
Severus shrugged, going to stand beside Remus, tossing the powdered asphodel into the cauldron. "Its alright Remus."  
  
"And...maybe you can confide in me."  
  
A snort came. "I dont trust anyone Remus, don't forget that."  
  
"What about Malfoy? You two seemed awfully cozy at breakfast."  
  
"....Lucius is an exception. I've known him all my life but there are some things I wouldn't tell him. Just drop it Remus. Perhaps with time I can trust you but don't count on it."  
  
"Thats all I would ever ask of you Sev."  
  
Neither noticed the black haired boy listening in.  
  
~ * ~*  
  
Are you all still with me? X_X  
  
Thanks for reviewing so much! ^____^  
  
Next chapter: loads of angst 


	6. Will eventually turn to hate

Title: A Love Lost, A Love Found  
  
warnings: male x male  
  
disclaimers: not mine, savvy?  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Sirius leaned his head against the stone walls of the exterior of the Astronomy Tower, taking a long drag from his fag. It was raining and he didn't even care that the droplets were plastering his hair to his soaked jumper. The fag was nearly being distinguished of its light as the downpour became harder. It was nearing night too but he didn't notice.  
  
Remus hated him. His beautiful, intelligent, dutiful Remus knew the truth. Sirius cursed his raging hormones under his breath. He hadn't even cared until he had that first taste of sex from Flint. After that it became an addiction that he was hooked on. There was only so much Remus's mouth and his own hand could do to and even then, that rush of orgasm from copulation was so much more blissful. Being taken and having his prostrate pounded into over and over again or taking another and filling that tight orifice....  
  
Sirius sighed. He loved Remus. He truly did. Remus was like a breath of air once the rain cleared and the mists parted to reveal a refreshing day full of sun rays. Remus was Sirius's constant reminder that he was alive and all that pain he took from his home was balanced by Remus's deep love for him and vice versa. Now what did he have? Guilt, sorrow, and intense fury.  
  
He knew that it had been Snape. Who else would have told Remus something like that and after what he'd just witnessed in the Potions Classroom? Snape most definitely had ulterior motives. There had been lust in his eyes and something else that looked like the beginnings of love. Sirius angrily smashed the fag underneath his boot. He wouldn't allow Snape the chance to ~love~ Remus but it would take time to exact his revenge on Snape.  
  
Sirius rose to his feet and shook himself of the water; much as he did when in the guise of Padfoot. Remus was probably going to stay mad at him for a while and Sirius was determined to do everything in his power to make it up to him, to remain friends. Sirius wrapped his arms around his lithe body and listlessly walked back to the entrance.  
  
James knew now. He would be giving Sirius a lecture and Merlin knew what Peter might do. After being hexed by the oddly protective boy, Sirius had steered clear of him. Sirius smirked. Maybe Peter had some of his own yearnings for Mr.Moony. The smirk grew grim. Yet Peter knew better than to invest in Remus when Remus had made it perfectly clear that he loved Sirius.  
  
Sirius rounded the corner, nearly colliding with his cousin, Narcissa. "What where you're going." Sirius glared at her. The sight of the Slytherin added to his temper, especially when the blond hair reminded him of Lucius Malfoy.  
  
"Aww, " Narcissa tutted, circling Sirius predatorily. "What's the matter Sirius? Sad about that pathetic worm breaking up with you?" Sirius's jaw muscles clenched and fists tightened. He didnt give a damn if she was his cousin and a girl. Narcissa sneered. "You got what you deserved. Ooh, Mummy will be happy about that, won't she?" Narcissa asked in a baby voice. "Finally getting rid of that poor filth."  
  
"Shut up!" Sirius snarled, about to take a swing at Narcissa when his fist was blocked by Rosier. "Stay the fuck out of this Rosier!"  
  
"As a Black, I expected you had more respect towards your family." Evan wrapped an arm around Narcissa's thin shoulders. "But you're the... Black Sheep, eh?" He snickered before focusing his attention on Narcissa. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"  
  
"No. Where's Lucius and Bella? I thought we were going-"  
  
They vanished around a corner and Sirius regained his hectic emotions. He didn't want to go home for holidays. The only reasons he bothered was that his young cousin, Nymphadora, would be visiting. Other than that, Sirius would have ran away. To where? He didn't know but anywhere was better than his abusive family; verbal and physical.  
  
~* ~ * ~  
  
Remus stretched himself out onto his bed, eyes flickering towards James. "Jamie, you've been avoiding me. Is it because of the fact that I know about you and Malfoy or the fact that I was.....was cuddling with Severus?"  
  
James shut his book and shoved it underneath his bed. He sank next to Remus. "Moony, I....I wish you had told me about Sirius. That he was hurting you." James gestured to the huge bruise, finger tips gentle on the blemish. "I could have stepped in and you wouldn't even of had to latch onto Snape!"  
  
Remus shoved James off, visage contemplative and annoyed. "He cheated on me, James! Merlin knows! I SMELLED IT ON HIM!" Quiet, studious Remus snapped. James immediately went on the defensive. It was rare that Remus's full anger escalated. "I hadn't put two and two together until Severus told me about Flint. I hate this Jamie," Remus whispered brokenly as two saline drops streaked his cheeks.  
  
James pulled his werewolf friend into his arms. "Remus. I know that you're confused but do you honestly hate Sirius enough to forget about these past years you've spent with him?" Remus shook his head, words deserting him. "Then dont! Damnit Remus, Sirius has enough to deal with than being seperated from you!"  
  
Remus sniffled, wiping his eyes and staring into James's blue ones. "But he hurt me James. You know how much trust and honesty means to me. I know that his home life is awful but I just can't welcome him into my arms again. I will be his friend, forever, because that's what we were before we discovered our attraction."  
  
"That's all I ask. He can't deal with life without us. He acts strong and I'd never tell him otherwise but to be the outcast of his family?" James shook his head. "I couldn't begin to imagine. Even your parents cared about you once you were bitten by that werewolf." James carressed Remus's prematurely greying hair. Though it was only a few strands it was enough to remind James that Remus aged faster than normal. That was evident in Remus's wisdom and maturity.  
  
"How about you and Malfoy? How'd that happen?" Remus asked, changing the subject. He kept his head buried against James's shoulder, purring from the hands playing with his hair.  
  
"Simply put; rivalry brings about love. During third year, Lucius thought he could get and upperhand on me by kissing me unawares against the broomshed." James blushed. "We...we kind of had sex too." Remus chuckled. "Be quiet. You lost your virginity when you were twelve, precocious bitch."  
  
"Continue instead of insulting me of being a pervert."  
  
"Touche. Anyway, after that we met up for shags and nothing real progressed until fourth year. Lucius and I went on a date on my suggestion and we found out we had a lot of things in common. So, here we are. In love and out of luck."  
  
"Out of luck? Why?"  
  
"Come on Remus. You don't expect us to actually stay together forever, do you?" Remus shrugged. "I'm going to ask Lily Evans to date me next year and Lucius is going to ask Narcissa."  
  
"I'm sorry Prongs." Remus hugged him briefly. "But it's for the best, isn't it? This way I can spoil some rotten baby of yours."  
  
"Asshole!" James grabbed Remus and proceeded to give him a knuckle- sandwhich.  
  
"Am I interrupting?" Sirius asked, watching them with an impassive expression. Both boys stopped and gazed at Sirius. One with uncertainy and one with a lecterous older brother gleam in his eyes.  
  
"No. Just messin' around. I'm going to get ready for bed."  
  
Sirius and Remus were left alone...  
  
~ ~~  
  
WAI! I updated ^o^  
  
Chapter isnt long :-/ oh well. ^^ 


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